Time for a Change--Moving Notice

I have been a long time Blogger user and I currently have three blogs I post on, though not as often as I would like. As a writer, I am very picky about the content and I refuse to blog unless I have something really important to share. This is one of those times.

I have launched a new website for 180 Coaching and I am working with my designer to integrate this blog into my wordpress website. There is no easy way to migrate my blogger readers to this new site unless you voluntarily make this switch. So I invite you to visit 180coaching.com and join me at this new location. Click on the bottom footer to subscibe to the blog via RSS feed or by email.

See you there!


photo by Laura Scott

Happiness Leads to Success, Not the Other Way Around

A recent article featured in Inc.com titled Happiness Makes Your Brain Work Better by Jessica Stillman highlights the work of Harvard psychology researcher Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage who, makes the compelling argument that “rather than thinking of success as the source of happiness, we should think of happiness as a source of success.”

Achor believes we can choose happiness and if we do so our brains will function better and we will achieve greater success.

"We found that optimism is the greatest predictor of entrepreneurial success because it allows your brain to perceive more possibilities," said Achor. "Only 25 percent of job success is based upon IQ. Seventy-five percent is about how your brain believes your behavior matters, connects to other people, and manages stress. "

So how you choose happiness? Acker believes it might be as simple as choosing to be grateful and suggests that we write down three things we are grateful for each day for 21 days. This simple habit of finding things to be grateful for can change your mindset and open yourself up to opportunities for greater success. (Check out the accompanying TED video on this article for more tips on changing mindsets).

Twenty one days of being grateful? What is the risk in trying that?

Flickr Photo by Hawkexpress

The Ties that Bind

A client recently gave me a wonderful book for my library titled Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirschenbaum. This book features diagnostic questions which you can ask yourself to help you determine whether you should stay and work on your marriage or leave your marriage.

Diagnostic question #5 is this: In spite of your problems, do you and your partner have even one positively pleasurable activity or interest (besides children) you currently share and look forward to sharing in the future, something you both like…?

No? Nothing but the kids to keep you together? But shouldn't that be enough?

No, says Kirschenbaum, who writes:

Children aren’t glue and shotgun weddings don't work out. You probably know people who had kids in the hopes that it would pour some cement into the shaky foundation of their marriage. We all root for that to work, but we all know how often it doesn't. Children will keep you connected, that's for sure, but is not the kind of connection that has much to do with your love for each other. People fall in love and make a bond before there are children and they have to stay in love after the children have left home; if you want to look first sign of life (in your marriage) you've got to look beyond the children for it.

This diagnostic question is important even for couples who do not have children. Shared activities are important to a marriage, even if it's just preparing a meal together. These activities give couples a chance to share, to talk, and to engage in something that both parties find pleasurable or entertaining. Shared activities and interests can be a key bonding agent provided both parties take equal pleasure in those activities.

If you and your partner do not have a shared activity or interest, consider sitting down with your partner and creating an inventory of favorite activities and interests and find places where there's a match. Then make a commitment to do these activities together at least once a month. Preferably without children in tow.

Flickr photo by Mr. Thomas

“Unnatural and Undervalued”: Childless in Australia

The title of this recently published article out of Australia pretty well sums up the findings around the stigma and perception of childlessness: ‘Unnatural’, ‘Unwomanly’, ‘Uncreditable’ and ‘Undervalued’: The Significance of Being a Childless Woman in Australian Society.
And while I agree with their findings, I was disappointed to read that the co-authors Stephanie Rich, Ann Taket, Melissa Graham and Julia Shelley based their observations on interviews with only five childless Australian women (please, it’s a large country, surely there’s a few more women out there to interview!).

Small sample aside, I was interested that they did note one important curiosity—that childlessness for women is considered normal at young adulthood but “abnormal’ for women in their late thirties or early forties. So true!

So why does childlessness move from being perceived as normal to abnormal over the passage of say ten or fifteen years? Is the assumption of the “maternal instinct” so prevalent that we are all expected to be a mother or in baby lust by a certain age, and those that are not are then seen as “abnormal”?

Or, is it that while some folks can understand why a woman or man would wish to postpone parenthood, there is very little sympathy or understanding for those who indefinitely delay parenthood, or very publically opt out altogether?

I suspect is may be a bit of both, as is noted in the abstract for this article:
“While childlessness is increasingly acknowledged, it is still not completely understood.”

Where is the “understanding gap” in your experience?

Flickr photo by Amandabhslater